|
In America,
Man Marries Pig!
Freetown 12/12/25
In a groundbreaking development, a man has legally married
a pig in the United States
of America. The union took place in the
state of California,
home to many revolutionary social developments. The ceremony was officiated by a minister from the Blessed Renewal
Ministries, an Episcopal sect.
Meanwhile, in a related development, the US Supreme Court
has backed the union. In a landmark ruling
it has determined that as long as the partnership can be shown to be
consensual the couple have a right to marry. Lawyers
for the couple had argued that the pig had shown its genuine love and
affection for the man in a multitude of ways. When the ruling was announced
they hailed it as a milestone in human rights law. The justices were able to
circumvent the thorny issue of property rights within the marriage by
determining that the pig could have a court-appointed attorney to represent
it should a divorce ever be contemplated.
Meanwhile dog lovers are now clamoring for equal rights,
as this ruling is thought to be narrowly applicable to pigs. The number of
dog lovers in the United
States is known to greatly exceed the
number of pig lovers, and it is unclear how much this has influenced the
justices, as in the past they have been suspected of aligning their
constitutional interpretations with public opinion. Dog lovers are politically active and have
formed themselves into an influential lobby on Capitol Hill. In tight
elections in key swing states they now hold a balance of power.
Meanwhile, in a top-secret program, US researchers, with
funding from the US
government are said to be working furiously to perfect a technique to produce
offspring from the new types of union now emerging in America. The matter is thought to
be one of utmost national security, as without offspring from these
burgeoning new partnerships, the American state would be in danger of inward
collapse. The new offspring are also said to have important military
applications in the assymetrical covert wars in
which the United States
is now embroiled.
The US
President, in his recent trip to Africa, took
his message of non-discrimination to the continent. The President pointed out
to his counterparts that dog-lovers and pig-lovers all have their legitimate
fundamental rights and that even if one regards dogs and pigs as animals,
there is the important issue of prevention of cruelty to animals. He lectured
that the important issue was that no one was harmed by these unions and the
overriding issues of human rights and personal freedoms must be respected. He
was reportedly treated with some skepticism by his fellow Presidents. When he
met with a group of pressmen in Freetown
he was asked whether, in the light of 2000 years of moral teaching to the
contrary he was convinced his position was correct. He replied that he was
certain of it. When asked how long he had held these views he replied that t
hey were long-held, but he had only decided to reveal them when the polls in America
turned in this direction. When asked if he should be urging these issues on Africa even when large numbers in his own country disagree
with them he replied that it was his duty to promote stands taken on issues
of principle. When asked whether his opinions were at all coloured
by personal experience with the matters at hand, he declined to comment.
|